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Thursday, 30 April 2009

image for Tweed Needs Protection
Jack Needs One Quick

Reports that convict Jack Tweed has suffered appalling abuse at the hands of 'Boy' George O'Dowd have been confirmed by sources at St. Edmund's Hill jail in Suffolk.

"It has been a living nightmare for Jack," said a fellow prisoner. "It started on Saturday night. He spotted George's bald head glistening in the spray of the shower and it bore an uncanny resemblance to Jade. He got a bit excited but then George turned around and the penny dropped."

Other lags hastily left the shower block as George showed his rapidly-growing appreciation of Jack's slim physique.

"George wanted to pull out all the stops," continued our source. "He can be very forward and asked Jack if he'd like to play with his Prince Albert. Jack's cheeks were soon crimson and there were tears in his eyes. He's finding it very difficult to take his porridge."

It is not the first time that O'Dowd, 47, has come over all friendly with other inmates. One warder on B-Block told us: "He tried to make special friends with Mohammed Siddaqi, the convicted terrorist, but we think he misheard his classification as a 'bomber'. Tweed is another kettle of fish and may have to be given extra protection. Meanwhile, O'Dowd has had his bottle of salad dressing confiscated."

Tweed, still grieving for his celebrity wife, is said to be worried that he will never fall in love again. Not if Boy George has anything to do with it!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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