Ulverston, Cumbria - A small earthquake, 3.4 or so, give or take, happened here in Cumbria this morning. Reporters from all over the north of England and southern Scotland flooded the area but were to be disappointed.
There was no evident structural damage, no casualties, nobody buried in rubble and no stunned survivors covered in dust wandering about in a state of shock. There weren't even any quotes from those affected worth a mention.
"It sounded like a van revving up," one resident said.
"The room shook a little bit," another reported.
"I was aware of something but I just turned over and went back to sleep," was a widely reported comment.
The local hospital reported a quiet night and stated that it had not been stretched to the limit by the non-event.
Ulverston is the home town of the late legendary comedian and movie star, Stan Laurel, of Laurel and Hardy.
The Laurel and Hardy statue remained smiling throughout the potential disaster.
More when we get it.