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Tuesday, 28 April 2009

image for Could pig flu save Gordon Brown?
Brown to benefit from pig flu danger

Whispers are spreading through Westminster that the prime minister is intending to use the swine flu danger to gain electoral advantage.

Just as Tony Blair was able to push aside fuel protestors when foot and mouth created a national danger in 2000, it is hoped Gordon Brown could repeat his national leadership skills last seen during the international financial crisis.

Already he is set to blame the collapse of the economy in 2010, after a fabled recovery at the end of this year, on the international forces of the virus AH1N1.

Downing Street's COBRA war room has already been alerted and it planned the UK will be unable to hold an election in May 2010 - so Brown will be able to extend his tenure on power - perhaps through a tacit power sharing agreement with the Tories.

However, advisors are warning when the fight against flu - branded as Flu War - is over, Brown may follow the fate of Churchill and lose the first peace time election.

A Downing Street insider said: "Gordon is about creating a legacy. If he can lead the UK, and the world, through a financial crisis and then swine flu, he will be happy to hand over power and remain the power behind the throne for two generations of British politics, as long as Cameron gets the lurgy and pops off."

Pig flu may also be used to ditch expensive and unpopular new measures such as ID cards.

Home Office civil servants are already working on a briefing paper on how meeting people to check their IDs could spread the disease.

Titan prisons were dropped as it was feared they could be breeding grounds for the flu.

Westminster MPs are set to receive a pig flu allowance of £9,232 a year to cover anti-infection precautions.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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