The government confirmed today that vegetarians would not be given the swine flu vaccine as 'it's only fair.'
An official statement released this morning said 'Basically, if you live by the sword you die by the sword. Millions of people in this country choose to eat meat on a regular basis, and it is only right and proper that they receive absolute priority when protection against this meat-based virus is handed out.'
The statement goes on to say, 'Very few heterosexuals were given the available AIDS drugs, and this will work on the same principle. Vegetarians will be able to pay for the drug at a premium, but even then vigorous checks will be made to ensure that are just vegetarians, not vegans.'
A spokeswoman for a vegetarian group said today, "The G20 coppers were bastards, although it was nice to get my first shower in 3 years in the detention centre."