Written by Bureau
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Topics: Penis, Archeology

Saturday, 25 April 2009

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"False Alarm, Only Another Wanger!"

During some renovation work at an Attorney's office in London, a Junior partner in the firm of Fergus, McCoy & Wisenheimer found quite a surprise behind the wall of their ancient firm.

Builders were working on Attorney Boody Wade's office when they discovered the mummified remains of a male penis behind a wall. (Although we have never heard of a female penis).

Attorney McCoy said, "The builders were stripping one of the bathrooms upstairs and this little fellow came to light. It is quite scary looking and is a lot bigger than a normal male penis."

Mason did some research and discovered that about 350 years ago, local residents would board up an old man's penis behind walls to ward off witches.

"Witches hate penises because they don't have one", stated Attorney Fergus. "I barely have one myself, for that matter."

Lulu Deaviou, a witchcraft and folklore expert at Temporary University, said, "Penis's were often put into walls as some kind of good luck charm. Not from the penis doner, of course. It seems to have been quite a widespread practice across the European continent, as the population was dropping, not going up.

Attorney Boody Wade himself added, "There has been a local myth, a legend, that there was a penis among us, buried in the house but of course we had no idea where that was."

His neighbors, however, have since explained that the penis had in fact been found 20 years ago, but was put back by another resident.

A child's boot is also rumored to be hidden in the house's structure as a good luck charm, as it was once a shoeshine shop.

When asked what will become of the penis, Wade explained, "I canna throw it away so we plan to put it back on completion of the building work. But my wife is not all that keen on it, as she says she will have the bad dreams about huge wangers trying to force themselves upon her."

"Personally, I think she married one", stated Senior Attorney Wisenheimer.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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