Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 24 April 2009

image for Miley Cyrus To Have Jaws Wired Shut
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US teen queen Miley Cyrus is to have her jaws wired together, not because she's obese, but in a last ditch attempt to make her bloody shut up.

Officials in the Cyrus camp admitted privately that allowing the 16 year old starlet, aka Hannah Montana, onto the Jonathan Ross show was a huge PR blunder. Cyrus hardly allowed the hapless Ross to get a word in edgeways as she prattled witlessly on about a whole bucketload of nothing for a full ten minutes.

"She's a little immature," an insider told us. "Don't be too hard on her. Please."

We promised not to be, but our promises are meaningless. One of the team described her as:

"A little shit with a voice like fingernails being scraped down an old fashioned blackboard, who never knows when to pause for breath, much less shut her trap for a moment or two. Jesus, she never even came up for air. Possibly the most irritating gobshite in the western world."

Ross described her as:

"The scariest guest I've ever interviewed."

More when we get our breath back.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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