If you're looking for the latest in hush-hush experimental intergalactic space flights, look no further than the new "UK's Area 51".
Last week, local radio station DW Communications from Oban reported that the Loughead Spacecraft Manufacturing Company (LSMC) is running a shadowy operation out of the remote Highland port, and even got a hold of some pictures of an old reusable, "dark matter" powered craft that has just gone into service since the Hadron Collider experiments.
There's no word yet on plans to test further co-opted alien technologies imported from Obama's Area 51 in the US, however a Loughead spokesperson said "We are confident of acquiring more fully updated sized craft from an unsuccessful GlieseCian alien invasion force which crashed to Earth in 1991, these will be housed in a closed off section of the Ben Cruachan Power Station near the shores of Loch Awe".
LSMC added "We are now at peace with the GlieseCians and the Virgin Spaceport Galactic, in Scotland, offers the perfect venue for covert test flights of fully restored alien craft from GlieseC to Earth and back.
Whether or not the Virgin Galactic Spaceport ever becomes the first UK landing strip for interstellar visitors is still up for grabs. Some would argue that the title will go to the most secretive and most remote Benbecula Airport in the Western Isles.
However, for now, the fledgling Scottish base, at Cruachan, is content to host "domestic" flights only, with space tourism runs to the Moon and back planned to start as early as this Winter Solstice.
An unnamed LSMC spokesperson added "To be able to have a spaceport located here at Cruachan where we can come in and almost just drop right in, do our thing and then be able to go back home and review the data and then be able to schedule and come back, that is very key for us."
LSMC added "To provide the actual launch services for the proposed new vehicles Virgin Galactic has hired the company that's already launching and accepting alien craft at the US Area 51 site: UPTown (UPT) Aerospace.
UPT Aerospace knows that Cruachan has hopes for big bucks from a space tourism industry; however sceptics have their reservations of accepting more "aliens" onto Scottish soil saying in a joint statement via the Glasgow Herald...
"...and we have enough Eastern European spongers, Sassenachs and the like soiling Scottish soil and we don't want no more - Thank You Very Much!"