Written by Khadija
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Tuesday, 21 April 2009

image for Susan Boyle to sing 'Sex Pistols' medley in her bra and panties on 'Britain's got Talent!'
'Pebbles' busy rehearsing 'Anarchy in the UK' in the studio yesterday !

Susan Boyle will be performing a medley of Sex Pistols songs in her bra and big panties (drawers) in the next round of BGT.

In a bid to keep the audiences interested, the Scottish song-bird will be demonstrating her amazing vocal range, by singing a medley of 'Sex Pistol' songs: Anarchy in the UK, God Save the Queen, No Feelings and Pretty Vacant'.

Insiders say 'Susan has all the aggression of Johnny Rotten- who now advertises margerine, but has the sex appeal of Sid Vicious'.

Sexy Sue will cut herself with a 'razor' on stage in homage to the drugged-up Sid Vicious. Being extra careful not to cut her chunky bra straps during the act.

The spinster will spit at the audience and the panel, but save the bulk of her phlegm for Ant and Dec, before diving into a mosh pit of pensioners and kiddies congregating by the front of the stage. She will body surf to the back of the hall and then be returned back to the stage by loyal and strong fans. Where she will utter the immortal words Of Johnny Rotten "Ever get the feeling you've been cheated? ..."

A ten year old spokesperson for BGT said " She is a multi- talented woman and realises she has to keep re-inventing herself on a weekly basis to satisfy the fickle and hypocritical audiences and media.

By public demand Susan's cat "Pebbles" will be in the act, adopting the role of 'Steve Jones', therefore it will be wearing a 'Monkey Woods-style' knotted hanky on his head, alongside a loose-fitting jumper with big holes in it. Pebbles has also been taught to spit... at Ant and Dec exclusively.

Malcolm Maclaren former manager of the Sex Pistols has expressed interest in taking credit for Susan's existence. The latter day 'Simon Cowell' said " I invented Susan as I invented the Sex Pistols, Punk, Glam Rock, Reggae, Rock N Roll, Riverdance, and Simon Cowell. If you look at Susan her eyebrows definitely look like Siouxsie; from Siouxsie and the Banshees. I was years ahead of my time".

Madonna, 908, who spends her time falling off horses and adopting black babies for attention, has offered to be Nancy Spungen if the act takes off - "well there is a similarity after all" quipped the aging muscle-bound doxy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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