WORLD EXCLUSIVE: The missing bees that have become a national phenomena and much discussed news all over Western Europe have, in fact, been found.
It has been reported by various publicity hungry celebrities that the missing bees are in their gardens.
Patrick Moore, the one eyed star gazer who always puts his trouser belt up to his neck, has repeatedly reported a bee in his own back garden in England, UK.
"I must say, I have known about the missing bees and much to my amazement I found a bee in my garden, so I phoned 999 and asked for the police", reports Moore. "The police arrived about 11 hours later but unfortunately the bee had left and it was dark, so I looked for the moon using my wide angled telescope instead but couldn't find that either so I reported it missing to the police, by phoning 999 again".
Jordan, aka Katie "Daffy Duck" Price, phoned the RSPCA and her local MP about 2 bees in her garden. "Yer know it was shocking", Daffy comments "Peter was plastering pure honey over my snatch in the hope some paparazzi helicopter can snap us up some cash when these 2 bees bumbled over duck lips and bounced on my reduced breasts, I thought they were gonna kill us for sure!"
Kerry Twatatona needs to visit rehab after seeing an ornament of a bee, stuck on her garage door, that her ex-husband pointlessly purchased when he wasted all her money and declared her bankrupt. "I hate bees, they all go missing and I have one in my housey that no longer belongs to me, repossession is a bitch, I need therapy and a brain transplant but I will do anything to get in the news, I know I'm a fat f*ck but who isn't?"
Marco Pierre White the alleged terrifying chef has reportedly claimed he pissed off all the bees by chopping up a harmless queen bumble bee in front of a live TV audience. "I hate bees and I hate you, you lost all my respect killer bees", said hardman White currently hosting a show called Hell's Kitchen. When Marco was stung by a killer bee when he was only 6 and has always vowed he would get his own back. "Revenge is sweet, but not as sweet as my piss" added the ugly boring twat.
Police are discussing whether or not to arrest Marco for this act of cruelty in front of millions of viewers, including bees and other flying insects.
The investigation continues....