Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Police, G20 Summit

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

image for Ian Tomlinson To Undergo More Autopsies
Ah yes, I see now! Natural causes - case closed!

Ian Tomlinson, the innocent newspaper-seller who was killed by police on the way home during the G20 protests in London, is to undergo yet another forensic autopsy - and maybe more if the police don't get the right result!

Mr Tomlinson was caught up in the London demonstrations of April 1 when he left work and began to walk home. Crossing the paths of a number of officers from the City of London police, he was clobbered across the back of the legs with a truncheon, and then died shortly after he was pushed to the ground by a policeman who is now under investigation of manslaughter.

This will soon be dropped, of course.

There have already been two autopsies; the first found that Tomlinson had suffered a heart attack, but a second, instigated by lawyers acting for the victim's family, found that he had died from massive internal bleeding most likely caused by the shove.

Now though, the arrested officer's representatives have said that it would be wrong for one of their own to suffer the indignity of a manslaughter charge, simply for "doing his job", and have decided that Mr Tomlinson's corpse will now have to undergo "as many autopsies as it takes until the opinion of Natural Causes is arrived at".

Naturally.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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