Fat, grotesque, crotch-stain Chris Moyles has had his wrists and trotters ineffectually slapped by his bosses. Although an angry mob called for his public spit-roasting with an apple in his mouth. Bosses ignored the masses of hungry licence fee payers who demanded to finally get their money's worth by giving Moyles the roasting of his life .
Scientists have explained the decision not to cook Moyles to a baffled public, who pay his wages. During a year long study the boffins cited Chris Moyles and the likes of Russell Brand are not misunderstood, but talentless tossers, who have been mesmerising bosses and media magnates with their 'repulsive' appeal.
'Repulsive-appeal' is a phenomena that occurs when self-opinionated, grossly unattractive males, take their festering carcasses out of the class-room and manipulate their greasy behinds into the media and get paid to do so - normally from the public coffers.
Professor Twinkle Magazinefor-LittleGirls said "These ugly gashes surround themselves with teams of like-minded dullards and minions, who ritually blow smoke up their asses, by laughing at material which would have been rejected by Les Dennis during his depression years".
Moyles who is in the 'Big Book of records' for being both a 'GASH' and a 'KNOB', ignored the public demand for his cooking and basting by saying. "It's just water off a hairy pigs back. If the public think about it I'm great and if they don't think about it I'm still great". He then invited us to stay for his radio programme where he 'oinked' his way through predictable material and talked loudly about his views.
Russell Brand, who looked like a caveman's crotch, said: "Sir Chris of Moyle's show was great and I verily cannot wait to get my hairy cadaver back into a radio studio, wherest I shall be producing a merriment of mayhem for the delictition of the general populus. Methinks I am a knobus most foulest"
Gordon Brown called for public calm and said "While Moyles is clearly a talent-free but succulent looking man, it is my opinion we should have clear dialogue with the bosses and seek a new direction and I haven't a pissin clue what the eff' I am actually talking about. I don't know how to do my job, there's too many hard sums"