The Jagged-Edge Monitoring Bull-Shit and Lies Show Ltd Co. GmbH, BV (multi-lingual global coverage!) otherwise known as JEM-BALS or GEM-BALS (G replaces J whilst Jaggedone is being Gagged and tortured by the Mossad, Al Quaida or Aljazeera Int.) has recently been monitoring secret developments between Gordon "F..king Hells Kitchen" Ramsay and his counterpart Jamie "I'm from f..king Essex mate, you know, like" Oliver.
Access to this top secret Gem was relayed to the GEM-BALS studio (Jaggedone was being interrogated by Mossad at the time hence the f..kin G!) by the Jaggededge CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) who have access to every single nook and fanny on the globe and this particular, very brave CIA reporter was stuck on a very greasy wall in one of f..King Gordon's very f...king filthy hells kitchens!
Reporting back to GEM-BALS he relayed the following mobile tel. conversation beteeen F..King Gordon and Jamie.
"F..k me Jamie laddie (F.G.R. speaking in his very deep Scottish brogue accent a lá Sir Alex "no flies on me laddie" Ferguson) it's about f..king time we formed a new all British, non-political party, whad ye f..king think laddie."
"Great f..king idea you know, like, hey Gordon wat shall we call it mate, I fink (Essex educated and certainly no flies on Jamie mate) dis ere name is pretty f..king wicked mate, you know, like, The Non - Political, Anti - Obesity, Ban All Shitty Fastfood Crapholes, Loony Party". "We can sit in the f..king middle mate, grab all the votes from those uvver wankers and rule GB (no similarities with that other political, Scottish great, GB!). Force the f..king herberts to eat proper, you know, like. Ban all the fast food crapholes and earn ourselves a couple of billion writing more f..king worthless cookery books on the side, I fink it's a wicked idea, you know, like, f..kinG ordon, mate."
F.G.R by now in near ecstasy and wetting his f..king genuine scottish tweed underwear at the thought of being the next f..king dictator to run Britain answered, "f..k me Jamie laddie, grand idea and the f..king name is perfect. I'll be the f..King Prime Minister of course, you can be my right hand man and Minister of Nutrional expertise and ban shit all f..king fastfood inside and outside of schools."
Jamie replied vehmently, "f..k off F.G.R. I'll be the next Prime Minster and you'll be my lefthanded wanker cause you f..k and blind too much, you know, like, mate. You'll clean up the fastfood shitholes including all Chink, Indy, Pakistani, MacD's, KFC and the other greasy fastfood crapholes who are turning Brits into overweight f..king obese zombies, you know, like, mate."
Due to the overheated and very loud altercation, the Jaggededge CIA reporter vibratingly slipped off of the greasy walls in one of F.G.R's f..king kitchens of hell and the line was interrupted. F.G.R turned and saw the CIA reporter rapidly retreating through another shithole in the wall, running for his miserable, CIA cockroach life before F.G.R could f..king stamp on him.
"F..king cockroaches he screamed" and Jamie finking it was F.G.R. bellowing at im, slammed the f..king fon down and threatened to sue the Scottish bastard for all of his billions!
"Politics my f..king butt, I fink I'll just continue making millions starring in useless f..king cookery shows, opening 15! new restaurants, employing waste my f..king time out of work hooligans and riting crap cookery books, f..k you F..KING Gordon Ramsey, Scottish Twat, you know, like, mate!