Written by Rula Nation
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Topics: Pirates, Africa, Africans

Thursday, 16 April 2009

image for African Pirates to face The A-Team, Airwolf & Knight Rider
pirate

In a surprise announcement today, government minister for drug awareness, Lord Grasp-Straw(35¼) publicly voiced his support for a potential plan to counter the threat of African piracy by utilising the characters and hardware from the various 80's gimmick shows.

In a hastily put together press conference, held in the back bar of a less than salubrious Soho pub, Grasp-Straw slurred and gurned his way through the following recommendations.

Air Support

Airwolf, would of course be the obvious 1st choice to offer air support. It would be great to see how much these piratical oafs enjoy having a new arsehole shot out for them buy a fucking great helicopter with chain guns, rocket launchers, stealth mode and supersonic speed option.

Blue Thunder could act as auxiliary back up (forever the second shitty fiddle).

Naval/Marine

Automan transformed for aquatic shenanigans, dragging KITT (in ski mode) would be a fair challenge for any peg legged, eye patch wearing fuzzy wuzzy looking to 'get it up him'.

Automan's bright flashy exterior and KITT shouting out his pissy put-downs would be the perfect distraction that could allow The A-Team to catch our fly-blown friends unawares.

Just imagine, one minute you're firing indiscriminately at a bright fast moving 'Sprite' with it's accompanying loud-mouth homosexual motor vehicle, the next you've got cabbages being volleyed into the back of your head and a groin full of highly pressurised soda in a surprise attack courtesy of a motley bunch of ne'er do wells, launched from some recently acquired old tub held together by implausibility and Gaffa tape.

Ground Support.

BJ & The Bear could take care of supply chain logistics, though BJ might want to keep a safe eye on his 'Bear', lest he end up feeding an African family of twelve.

Peripherals, such as empty boxes would be the responsibility of The Fall Guy, with guard dog duties being handled by Manimal and Vincent from Beauty & The Beast.

Street Hawk, Bo and Luke Duke could act as a reconnaissance scouts, with Daisy Duke taking care of catering, housekeeping and sexually charged double entendres.

Grasp-Straw convinced of what turned out to be his own plan, then ordered another round of drinks for the entire press corps, before following a large Rasta into the toilets, where he stayed for five minutes.

More news should the plan be extended to 70's TV show characters and I get a trip to either 'Wonder Woman Island': Themyscira or Buck Rogers' 25th century Earth on expenses.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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