Written by Stuart Gilbert
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Topics: Fish, Crackers

Monday, 4 March 2002

image for Raw Rainbowfish Ryvita Rage
One of the many examples luckily caught on camera.

Ryvita, UK's largest selling crispbread vendor, have received an enormous amount of complaints from unhappy customers. All seem to be complaining about a fishy taste in their famous crispbread. Scientists have analysed a few samples and have found unusually large amounts of rainbowfish inside the bread.

Dr. T. Green is quoted as saying "We studied some samples and inside the bread we found exceptional amounts of raw rainbowfish."

This isn't the first time the company has been under inspection for strange food contents, they recently found genetically altered squirrel testicles in several batches as reported in the article entitled "Where a squirrel hides it's nuts".

Scientists have also said that there is probably very little chance of lasting effects on people who ate the contaminated foods and there is no evidence to support otherwise as yet

Several loyal customers have told us that they will not be returning to Ryvita again because they are going to be too busy hibernating in the winter and migrating to the seas off southern China in the summer.

Ryvita have issued an official comment apologising for the mistake. All new packets of Ryvita are now believed to be safe for human consumption. Ryvita have also started an official investigation into their staff concerning the events surrounding the contamination.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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