Written by dannline
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Friday, 10 April 2009

image for Every child in England asked: WWEBD?
No more loneliness, no more pain. All Balls

A new moral code will be enforced on every child, teacher, parent and social worker in England.

In new lessons, children are to provided with a new "moral compass" where they will have to ask themselves: What Would Ed Balls Do?

Pictures of the schools, family and children secretary will be placed on every classroom wall in England and pupils will have to recite a pledge to Mr Balls every morning.

Mr Balls said: "Britain is broken. Children need an idol who has succeeded through hard work.

"We searched for a figures, but it quickly became clear I was the best role model."

Pupils will recite: "Ed Balls knows right from wrong, loves his wife and children and me.

"Each day I will ask 'WWEBD?' and the answer is work hard, respect my parents, beware of strangers and love Mr Balls."

In special morality lessons, pupils will be shown cases of moral dilemmas and instructed in what Ed Ball would do.

They will also learn about his life.

Cases include: Your friends want to go to the cinema, but you have no money to join them. WWEBD? Convince them to stay at home and study.

You father is unemployed and you find £50 on the street. WWEBD? Hand the money to Ed Balls.

Your girlfriend has kissed another boy. WWEBD? Denounce her as a witch.

Girls will receive special classes on how to emulate career mother Yvette Cooper, wife of Mr Balls and chief secretary to the Treasury.

Ms Cooper will also have an annual day to celebrate her excellence.

All parents will also have to attend parenting classes - or risk having their children taken into care - on how WWEBD can be used to raise good offspring.

Any child worker - across public and private sectors - will also have to swear allegiance to Mr Balls and only act as he would.

Liberal Democrat education spokesangel said: "All sounds good to me. But that is what Ed Balls would say.

"I met him once, you know."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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