Gordon Brown has said that Pakistan must do more to root out fake terrorism, as police thwarted yet another made-up non-existent terrorist plot in England.
'Please', the ex-bachelor said, 'please stop supplying me with endless, ridiculous fake 'plots', ones that a child could see through. We ask for real terrorists, not fake ones. I mean, er ...'.
It has become a weekly occurrence for 'plots' to be discovered in England, without a shred of evidence that they actually exist, and one anonymous source - only known as Spoof - said to Mr Brown: 'Real terrorists are ruthless killers that blow up and shoot innocent people for a twisted cause, and they can't be stopped.'
'Any sad crap Prime Minister who's already finished can order the news to put yet another 'terrorist' plot in its programmes, to make himself sound important. There are no terrorists, there is no al-Qaeda, the British are not gullible, dumb Americans, so why not clear off to somewhere you can scare people, like a fun fair ghost train.'
''Oh no, more terrorists that don't actually terrorise anyone, and never let off bombs! Ooooooo, I'm so scared!' Ya big, fat ginger excuse for a socialist.''
But Mr Brown had this to say about the so-called plot: 'Plot, Pakistan, er, plot. Remember the IRA bombings and sieges? Now THAT'S terror. Few Paki students who are harmless I can frame to make me look tough ... I'm as tough as the Krankies ... if only I could find real terrorists ... Yanks pay my wages, they'll believe this garbage ...'
'... running low on pink socks, better get some more ... worst PM in British history, even worse than Blair ... Oh look! A terrorist rabbit is on my lawn! Call MI5! ...Labour Party finished ...'
'... EU rules Britain ... I'm an embarrassment to Labour, Parliament, Scotland and socialism, and should piss off before I make an even bigger fool of myself than I already have ... talking like a pansy .. acting like one ...'
Pictures of police officers clearly laughing in the so-called terror-plot-area about summed it up, and Mr Brown will be sacked just as soon as the Labour party can find a worse leader - which isn't too likely.
As this story broke, eight people were being arrested in Cheshire for 'refusing to fuel Gordon Brown's imaginary terrorist plots'. More as the Provisional IRA cower in the face of all these imaginary terrorists from Pakistan.