Written by The Blunt Pencil
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Topics: Police, Terrorism

Thursday, 9 April 2009

image for Huge Public Concern Over New Anti-Terror Chief Replacement!
New Anti-Terror Cop Bob Careful pictured at his home in Kuala Lumpa yesterday

London Mayor Boris Johnson has expressed concern regarding the hasty replacement of Anti-Terror Boss Bob Quick.

Home Secretary Jacqui Smiff countered Johnsons claim by saying "we would have put the British public at risk had we not replaced the bungling idiot who just left!"

However the real concern now growing in the corridors of Westminster centres on Bob Quick's replacement.

According to a statement issued by the Police Commissioner, "we decided Bob Quick was not a good name for a man holding such a crucial post, so we went for a safer pair of hands and appointed Bob Careful". However Spoof News can reveal new Anti-Terror Boss Bob Careful has no police experience whatsoever and can only suppose he was appointed because he had the right name.

"This is not true" insisted Jacqui Smiff, "we thought it would save on business cards if his name was Bob, as the previous bloke had just ordered a new batch and we have to show the public we are being frugal with their money".

However, our sources reveal that having an appropriate name is catching on as MP's have been seen queuing at a Westminster registry office.

It seems Prime Minister Gordon Brown has changed his name to Gordon Messiah, Jack Straw - Justice Secretary will now be known as Jack Death Sentence. Business Secretary and notorious Labour bummer Lord Mandleson will now be known as Lord Fondlesons.

Likewise those who fall foul of the government will also be forced to change their names too. Disgraced terror cop Bob Quick must now be called Bob Twat, and former RBS chief Sir Fred Goodwin shall from now on answer to Sir Fred Badloss.

Chancellor Alastair Darling is looking for an even more endearing name than Darling, so far Labour spin doctors have come up with what they think is an ideal name and as from lunchtime today Chancellor Darling shall be referred to as Chancellor Cherruby-Angel-Type-Thing.

Update

Police forces throughout the UK have been ordered to take their Police Cars into their local spray shop for re-branding. Their old slogan "To protect and Serve" is to be replaced with "If you can't be Quick be Careful - Kiss a Rosser today"

Very catchy eh!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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