Written by Earl Grey
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Tuesday, 7 April 2009

image for Kerry Katonic Beyond Help
Beyond Help

Kerry Katonic is beyond help. This shock revelation has appeared today. It is feared that the star of the Iceland supermarket adverts is just a washed up ugly slapper.

Recently she announced that she was getting divorced as she did not trust her husband with her money. Even more recently she announced that she was not getting divorced because she had got the publicity she was looking for.

Katonic is hoping that she can now fill the void left by the death of Jade Goody. The nation needs a fat ugly talentless bitch and Katonic wants to be the one.

Clax Mifford, the media manipulator and bullshit svengali said "I've done it before and I can do it again. For 20% of course."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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