In a joint statement issued by Tory Leader David Cameron and Shadow Chancellor George Osborne, public sector workers, such as; teachers, policemen, council workers and nurses ("especially nurses") will be punished by public high street floggings.
The revelation is intended to highlight the 3 year protected pay deal hammered out by New Labour last year in an effort to avert union disruption across the sector.
"These people must be prepared to tighten their belts especially those trim little nurses" said Osbourne staring into his latest copy of "Nice Nurses Magazine".
He went on (as he often does) "The private sector are having to take pay freezes and in some cases cuts, especially those lovely Bupa Nurses", he added, "I mean, just look at this one here" pointing to a shiny skinned centre-fold Bupa nurse, with a cute freckle on her little pug nose in his magazine, "this cracking nurse here is paid less than half of that fat health service nurse that botched my vasectomy last year, those fat ugly nurses and other public sector workers need flogging, they give a crap service and damage our testicles".
Osbourne pointed out that fat nurses and other overpaid government workers are receiving disgustingly high protected pensions, whilst the fitter Bupa ones with perfectly formed breasts get far less.
Osbourne was asked to elaborate on his proposals but unfortunately a team of government doctors in white coats and a large syringe removed the protesting shadow Chancellor from the room for his own sake, and ours.
Later a NHS press officer said "Mr Osbourne is now resting under a heavy sedation and an even heavier nurse and will not be released until his failed vasectomy operation is corrected by a full castration without anaesthetic". The NHS press officer was also quite fat and ugly this reporter noticed!