Prince Harry was ready for President Obama's visit to Buckingham Palace this week. "Oh, no. Here comes another one, fresh off the boat," he mockingly declares in recently obtained camera footage as the President can be seen approaching Buckingham Palace. The camera pans away, peering out the window of the room at which the Prince stands looking, zooming in on the President as Harry lets out an exaggerated sigh.
"Everyone mind your personal effects, then," he advises the unlit room, empty except for himself and his grinning cameraman, adding, "Would somebody please tell him we're fresh out of work permit applications?"
A moment later, he corrects himself in feigned surprise. "F**k me, that looks like Barraco 'Bama! Come on, let's go."
Prince Harry then bolts from the palace followed closely by his cameraman. He explains as he runs that normally "monkeys and other such animals" are "not allowed in Buckingham Palace proper."
According to aides, Harry arrived "a bit out of breath," then tried to divert the current U.S. President and his entourage into an attached storage facility he'd staged earlier to look like a room in the palace. There, he'd planned to "have a little fun" with the President.
The Queen of England interrupted her grandson's shenanigans just in time, arriving with her own entourage to greet President Obama. Cameras flashed as he mistakenly gave Her Majesty's outreached hand a firm shake with one hand while lightly cupping both with the other. Though the Queen appeared unperturbed by the minor slip, Prince Harry immediately began a quick, rhythmic stomping of his foot, sig-heiling furiously from several feet away as his camera operator snickered. He later explained, "I don't know what came over me. It seems I must have gone 'on the fritz' for a moment."
As the President and Queen completed their salutations, Harry abruptly approached the President, startling him a bit. Smiling broadly, Harry reportedly said, "Sorry 'bout that. Didn't mean to 'spook' you. How are you then, you old coconut?" Prince Harry then attempted to fist-bump the President, asking, "Now, how you gon' leave a brotha hangin' like dat, yo?" when the President refused to acknowledge the gesture.
Moments later, as President Obama was led hastily away by the Queen, Harry stalled, asking Her Majesty, his grandmother, if it was "not yet time for tea" and mentioning that "you can see I've already retrieved a teapot," to which the Queen responded, unblinking, with a slap across the face of Prince Harry, 24, staring sternly at him for some moments before leading the President and group away to another part of the palace.
"His lips are not nearly so thick as I imagined," Harry observed, turning to his camera, rubbing his reddening cheek softly. Again, the cameraman can be heard snickering in the background. "I guess that's one plus of being a half-caste."
Etta Kitt, England's Minister of Propriety, says, "This sort of language is not acceptable in a modern conversation." She added, "The Queen was right to give her grandson a good cuff. He can be a bothersome, bloody bastard at times."
At one point, Prince Harry was also filmed rolling his eyes, poorly feigning yawns of boredom as the President spoke, then miming the act of Hari-Kari to more snickers from the cameraman, then dropping loudly to the floor and shocking several onlookers unfamiliar with the Prince's juvenile behavior. Secret service agents also narrowly thwarted an attempt to pants the President of the United States.
Later, as Obama was preparing to leave, Prince Harry leaned forward, closing in on the cringing President, saying, "It's been sooo good having you." He kissed him gently on the forehead, then plunged his tongue deeply into the startled President's ear, this time to hearty howls of laughter from Harry's halfwit henchman.
Withdrawing it even more abruptly, he grabbed President Obama by the arm and began insistently shoving him in the general direction of the door, saying, "Buh-bye, now! Send my love to the Yanks, then, will you? But you've got to go now, got to go, bye. It was tremendous having you. God Save You . . . yeah, that's great. Bye, luv."
Though he seemed quite preoccupied with his violated ear for the rest of the day, President Obama appeared to have been otherwise unfazed by Prince Harry's shenanigans, continuing about the busy day he had scheduled for the first overseas trip of his administration.