The government is concerned about the number of persons suffering from multiple identities. It will make attempting to fix the result of the next election a logistical nightmare.
Professor R Usty of the Spoofers Research Institute said "This is a very serious problem. There is at least one case of an individual with several thousand multiple identities. You have to find the 'alter', the key identity. For that you need the cause. There must have been some traumatic event. Like losing 4-1 at home and then losing 2-0 in the next game. That could trigger the problem. Also there could be some idol worshiping. Some cases exist where a monkey is worshiped as a god. Further study of such cases is needed."
The nation has been advised to get a grip, give themselves a good talking to and lay it on the line. On the plus side, the Samaritans say that lonliness is on the wane.