Consternation today following the total incineration of a house, reportedly occupied by a daft bastard. Smoke and flames engulfed the house at eleven am today and the building suffered total structural failure as fire-fighters arrived at the scene.
Within minutes, police arrested a bespectacled, anorexic, mentally disturbed prick and bundled him into a van.
"He's a daft bastard right enough," a neighbour told us. "And a dirty scruffy little shit to boot. Horrible horrible individual, and I'm his Uncle."
Further investigations by a crack team of spoof reporters revealed that the daft bastard had set his own house ablaze because he couldn't be arsed getting a job in order to finance his purchase of the property from his brother who was bequeathed a 50/50 share in the property by the pair's late mother.
"He'd rather burn it down than sell it and square up with his brother," another neighbour told us. "His brother has waited ages for this to be resolved, five or six years. But the daft bastard won't play ball."
We asked the brother for a comment but he was too busy typing crap spoof articles for TheSpoof.com
More when it comes true.