It was revealed earlier today that the NHS has spent over £27million on research into OMD. Unfortunately, an overpaid non-medical management consultant, of which there are thousands in the NHS, thought the research was into the 1980's group Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark, whereas the money was actually to be spent on research into a common affliction affecting young ladies, namely Obsessive Mobile Disease.
A number of girls have recently been admitted into A&E departments all over the country looking blankly into their left hand. Being mugged, run down by traffic or falling off a cliff seems to have no effect on the blank look on their faces as they try to text using the phone they have left behind somewhere. Their lack of phone renders them incapable of thinking, eating a sandwich or even discussing Jade Goody.
Mobile phone manufacturer Knowqia is employing a thousand new staff nationwide who, when they see one of these phoneless mobi-morons, will dash and place a replacement in their hands to help fend off this terrible secondary OMD disease, now identified as Phonus Mobilus Terribless, or PMT.