Former BBC presenter and total barmpot, David Icke, is back in the news and this time your guess is as good as mine.
Icke, one half of the iconic "River Deep Mountain High", sixties singing sensations, Icon Teeny Toenail, told me:
"There's an old boy who lives down my road, right? He tells everybody that his name's George Bulstrode and that he's a retired coal miner but it's all a scam.
"He's really Zorgbat from a galaxy far, far away. He's a sleeper here awaiting activation by his controller and woe betide mankind the day that happens"
Icke would not elaborate on the situation but suggested that anybody who sees anything that looks odd should contact Starfleet at once and give all the relevant particulars.
Icke is not the only presenter to have gone bonkers. In addition there's pint-sized Geordie duo, Ant and Dec, who have become obsessed by ripping the public off with tawdry premium phone line scams.
Ant, named after a creepy crawly, and Dec, named after the popular month of the same name, were not availble for comment but a spokesman for their company, Haddaway, Mann & Bollocks, told me:
"Just call this premium phone line for a full statement and a chance to win £25000. Calls will last no more than 15 minutes and should cost no more than thirty quid a pop. Callers under 16 should seek the bill-payers permission - all calls that get through may not be entered into the draw but all calls will be charged to the max. Oh yes! Too effing right they will!"