Written by Earl Grey
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Topics: Jade Goody

Tuesday, 31 March 2009

image for "Grow A Cabbage For Jade"
Grow It For Jade

Free in today's Scum newspaper is your chance to grow a cabbage to remember Jade Goody. The Scum wants all to remember how she touched the nation. Without her we just don't know what to do, other than try to make as much money as possible out of her - it's what she would have wanted.

The nation is right behind her. Gail Tease, page 3 girl said " I fink Jade woz luvverly. She woz a wonderful mum and really clever and stuff. I want a cabbage!"

Clax Mifford, weeping, said "Unless I call sell Sillipa Shitty to the nation my glory days are over. For fuck's sake buy a cabbage!"

Yes! The chance to own a commemorative Jade Goody cabbage is free. You only have to pay for the actual cabbage (plus delivery costs). Cabbages cost £500 (plus £100 delivery).

Scum reader John Cole, of Nova Mews, said "I love a good cabbage. Now I love a goody cabbage."

All cheques made payable to Sunny Max.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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