Reports from the national press appear to suggest that HRH The Prince Of Wales has expressed an interest in assisting the Lancashire Borough of Burnley through times of economic hardship,reports which may well rebound on him and break his face, according to a panel of experts on the almost forgotten Lancashire mill town.
"He's trying to help a community mired in a bad situation," commented Harry Saint-George, an individual with known BNP affiliations. "And I think he should be applauded for that. He's trying to maintain investment and employment levels, and for such a prestigious national figure as himself to come out in support of the common man, and in support of local businesses, well, what a guy. A true Englishman."
At which point, left wing activist, Melvin Koolit, a local voice of reason, told us:
"This Saint-George guy is a racist extremist. Burnley is a racially divided community. It's also a very aggressive society. You could get unwittingly involved in a fight in Burnley at six am if you looked at somebody the wrong way. That's no way to live and prosper. No way to attract investment either. The people of Burnley need to do some urgent soul-searching as to why their community is failing."
We called in thespoof.com's resident expert on Burnley to throw his personal views into the mix;
Skoob 1999 told us:
"What was Prince Charles doing there in the first place? His car must have broken down or something and he got lost. I've had teeth kicked out in Burnley. Mind you, I've kicked other people's teeth out a time or two. Usually before breakfast. For the most part they're good people, but there's another side to it. It's intimidating. And the nut-jobs have taken over. Especially the BNP racist element. Who are all cunts anyway."
Prince Charles's car apparently did break down, according to sources. In Burnley Wood, and again on Accrington Road. Which is unlucky by anybody's standards.
More as we get it