London - (No Fool Like An Old Fool Mess): Grandees of the Hellfire Club of Great Britain have issued a stark warning predicting the entirely spoof Queen Elizabeth Windsor 'is more likely to die of a heart attack on April Fools Day' than meet with President O'Bama over cucumber sandwiches at Buckingham Palace.
Old Fatty Mountbatten has already given strict instructions to have notorious royal racists Prince Philip and Prince Harry locked up in the Tower for the duration of the G20 rather than witness yet another 'slitty eyed' of 'dusky-skinned' diplomatic gaffe.
But her birth chart shows cosmic faultlines cutting across strategic astrological tectonic plates that could go off at a moment's notice at the prospect of having to schmooze yet another White House central casting presidential shoo-in.
Spooks at MI5 London's HQ meanwhile are cock-a-hoop at the news that it is they who hold O'Bama's missing birth certificate, a notorious document whose existence has become a legend much like George Bush's alleged sobriety.
"Hahahaha, the US has only gone and elected the Omagh Bomber's natural son by Maya Angelou!" a Thames House source chuckled, vomiting into his breakfast cornflakes...