Buckingham Place spokesman Mohamed Al Fyed anounced Her Majesty had given an insight as to why devout roman catholics should not be allowed inside her 'crib'
The queen was quoted as saying 'If the Lord has not yet made Himself visible to the deluded devotees, perhaps they are looking in the wrong places. They should try paying more attention to the flaking paint on the walls of their council houses, and the rust on their frying pans or the mouldy stains on their carpets as these would be the sort of places where He would no doubt turn up.
Prince Phillip was busy repairing Liz's sceptre after a large jewel fell out. He was replacing it with a pear drop of the same colour, from which one had sucked off the sugar coating.