Joy on the UK employment front today as a vacancy has been announced.
Alf's Barbershop in Rosegrove Lane, Burnley, Lancs., announced that a position was currently available for a sweeper upper.
Boss, Alf, told us:
"It's true. There is a post available. It involves sweeping up hair clippings and brewing the tea. It would probably best suit a doddery pensioner or a youth with learning difficulties and challenging behaviour. The pay won't be up to much, but what the hell. Us Captains of industry can pretty much pick and choose these days, what with the economic climate and that."
In other breaking news, 20,000 job losses in the car industry, 13,000 job losses in the construction industry, and a ship's parrot dismissed from a redundant pirate ship.
More as we get it.