Claims by British MPs that they have been tortured by recent exposure of their expenses details has been raised with the International Court of Human Rights. The MPs concerned have said that they were forced to explain their expenses by the application of pointed questions by the press. They claimed that in ordinary circumstances they would never have divulged the information, and that the British public had been complicit in the torture they underwent.
According to some Ministers the level of duress they faced was 'inconceivable in a modern society' and they felt that the tactics employed by people asking questions constituted 'cruel and unusual punishment'.
If their claims are upheld, the suggested inquiry into MPs' expenses will have to be halted. The British public will be forced to retract the allegations, compensate the MPs for lost expense claiming time and pay them undisclosed amounts of damages.
The MPs concerned have rejected accusations that they are just trying to cover up their guilt. They have reiterated their commitment to transparent and accountable government as far as it applies to civil servants, and have stated that their aim is to serve their country in whatever way best suits their needs.
"Ask not what your country can do for you," stated one MP, "Ask what's in it for me."