Hollywoodland icon and archetypal English rose, Keira Knightley, was reportedly moved to tears by Captain Morse's ultimate instalment of the 'Below Decks' extravaganza, as championed on the magazine pages of TheSpoof.com, even though it rarely attracted more than 17 readers.
"It moved me," sobbed the achingly beautiful Keira. "When Morse added that final line. It just cut me up. The emotions came flooding out. I couldn't control myself."
"Oh do fuck off you silly bitch!" quipped rival UK sex symbol Kate Beckinsale star of Van Helsing, "You may be a pussy boy's ideal, but I'm the real deal, check me out in the thigh length leather boots and the pirate jacket. Loser."
Male observers were left unable to decide.
Like David Cameron...And me.
More as we get it.
And, quite frankly, this reporter