Scientists today revealed that a Premiership footballer has grown a brain. As yet the player in question has not been named. It is believed that the experiment was carried out to see if unintelligent life could be used to support intelligent life.
Top clubs moved quickly to quash any stories about their star names. Sir Alex Ferguson said "It's not Wayne Rooney. The little bastard has no brain and there is no way he will ever be able to grow one." Elsewhere, Liverpool supporters were said to be mystified as to who the player could be. "It's not one of ours. They never show any intelligence" said John Cole of Nova Mews.
Scientists have deliberately kept the identification a secret. They fear that the experiment may lead to a Frankenstein's monster. But Peter Beardsley retired years ago. There is a fear that by messing with such matters, Scientists could replace God. Well if Joe Kinnear can get a job in the Premiership anything is possible.