A complete prick from the town of Wigan today spat on his shoe, accidentally, in attempt to look 'hard'. The incident occurred at approximately 8.00 pm last night near Rick Astley's chippy.
The man, identity unknown, was either intimidated by my good looks, strong physique and carefree swagger - who knows? Nevertheless he made the first move by spitting, in an attempt, it is my belief, to intimidate me! That's where it all went wrong.
In his haste to prove his manliness his 'gob' went awry, maybe caught by the blustery wind, or just plain bad luck, either way his spit, which I presume he intended to land in my line of walk landed on his right shoe.
The man, clearly embarrassed by his actions scurried off into the night, while I continued with my cocksure swagger to the Bell End public House, where a good time was had by all.