In a story that would not seem amiss in his own hit soap opera, Coronation Street, pint-sized pop Svengali, Simon Cowell, has claimed that Prince Phillip called him a sponger.
Close friends and insiders to his inner scrotum, tell of Cowell's increasingly more mental outbursts as it's feared that he has developed King-itis.
This is a rare illness contracted only by Royalty and The Spoof.Com can exclusively reveal that Cowell (48) has had nobody do anything other than grovel before him for the past 8 years. These are early symptoms of the onset of the condition and a leading quack says that should Cowell be seen trooping a colour then it will be beyond all doubt.
One-time pop impresario and half of the bizarre eighties presenting duo, The Hit man and Her, Pete Waterman, tells of his acrimonious bust-up with Cowell to anybody who'll listen to him.
"He was always turning up to the studios wearing a crown and ermine robes. It got so bad that the production staff had to bow every time he appeared on-set and he insisted that his hand-picked group of trumpeters be on hand to sound his own fanfare specially composed for him by showbiz pal, Sir Elton John, every half hour"
A spokesman for the Palace said:
"Oh yeah? Leave it out pal! Phil couldn't give a monkey's chuff about Mr Cowell, so there!"
The Queen preferred not to be drawn into the unseemly business and arranged to take tea on the lawn at the back of Buckingham Palace. She wore an outfit and later on shook some hands and that.