Sombre scenes today here in Portsmouth as nautical veterans of a madcap adventure gathered together to commemorate the loss of the pirate ship HMS B*ggerall.
Standing at the site of HMS Victory in the Royal Naval Dockyard, Michael Morse, a distant descendant of the ship's captain, Minnie Morse told the esteemed assembly:
"Our forebears came (probably with alarming regularity) they saw, they conquered, they kicked ass. They weathered storms beyond the average person's comprehension. But they persevered, and they fulfilled their destiny. The rest is history."
At which point, Michael Morse laid a wreath at the shrine of the unknown ship's parrot.
"BOLLOCKS!" cried the assembled crowd.
"That's right," uttered an emotional Morse as he backed away. "That was his name. Bollocks."
Reg Turse, distant relative of Roy was seen to brush away a tear.
As was Scotchbonnetchillipepperman, a descendant of the legendary J-Man.
An unidentified man wearing an Ireland rugby shirt was observed turning away from the scene wiping away a tear.
Birbee could not attend as he had more pressing engagements, regrettably.
Earl Grey maintained a dignified silence throughout.
Son of BuckwheatsButt was reportedly too emotional to comment.
Some head case tried to sell salmonella burgers from a dubiously hygeinic van, known as Skoob's Salmonella Van.
The last known relative of the late Dora Piebottom was last seen consoling Jesus Budda and proffering a stained wok.
Regrettably, the legendary Monkey Woods couldn't make it.
The Queen Mudder officiated throughout.
The Admiralty declined to comment.
More as we get it.