Reports are coming in that a man was picked up by the Portuguese Coastguard, having been mysteriously cast adrift in the Atlantic Ocean.
Miraculously, the man was alive.
Portuguese Coastguard Muslimo Ronaldinho told us:
"The man was picked up fifty miles from the coast. He is alive and being treated at a Lisbon hospital somewhere in the Hebrides."
We asked Muslimo if rumours that the floater was a fan of Manchester United were, in fact accurate?
"I think, possibly, he was singing 'We are the pride of all Europe' when we rescued him, so it is a possibility. We don't have any idea what he was doing floating about in the water, but he was complaining that his head hurt, and that sucker fish were wearing him out."
The floating man's last reported words were:
"Never in the field of human conflict, has so much, been owed, to so few, by so many. We will fight them in the pubs, on the terraces...Cry God for Jade Goody and Saint Patrick. Below Decks, it's been brilliant..."
The delerious floating Manchester United supporter is reportedly in a stable condition, and being ministered to by his number one fan, Miss Avril Anvil, of Liverpool.
The prognosis is bleak.
More as we get it.