Written by Earl Grey
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Topics: Names

Wednesday, 25 March 2009

image for "Blame Name Shame For Change" Experts Say
The phone book will be rewritten

Cocks have shrunk. Balls have dropped. Bottoms have fallen out. - Yes, embarrassing names are beginning to die out. And it may be a direct result of having the piss taken out of you at school. Experts believe that emigration can only count for a small percentage in the drop. "Much more likely is that people changed their name following an unhappy childhood" said Professor Bernard Arsetickler.

By examining the phone book experts have been able to discover that the number of Deaths in the UK has fallen. This may be due to natural causes. Other names who have suffered a drop include Smellie, Tart and Barrymore, as people seek to avoid embarrassment.

However, some people are resisting the trend. Mr Michael Knobbs is proud of his name. "There have been Knobbs in England for centuries. Now all of a sudden it is as if someone has called 'Knobbs out'. Well this Knobbs is staying in. This Knobbs stands proud and strong."

Some fear that valuable British history may die out along with these names. There has been a call for celebrities to rally round. Televisions' Johnny Ball and footballer Danny Shittu have joined the campaign.

Years ago a surname referred to what you did for a living. You were called Cooper if you made barrels, Thatcher if you thatched roofs and Goody if you made everybody sick.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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