Written by matwil
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Wednesday, 25 March 2009

image for Ever gone to Northern Ireland, and found out your boat has been blown out of the water by terrorists?
'Please turn your watches back 400 years, we are approaching Belfast Mad Dog McGlinchie airport

Have you ever wanted to visit Northern Ireland, and just as your boat approaches Larne it gets blown to pieces by a 10,000 pound bomb? Then fly there with Ironyair, the world's safest airline.

As your Ironyair jet touches down at Belfast's Mad Dog McGlinchie Airport, the pilot will remind you to set your watches back 400 years, and then you step back in time to the 1600s. The duty free there sells carved St Christopher statues, carved by monks in County Kildare, and bottles of Old Paddie's Thick Micksture whiskey, and as you leave the airport you will stopped by British soldiers with muskets and swords. If you're British you will be politely waved on, if you're Irish you'll be politely taken into custody, and interrogated for three days.

And after that why not visit the historic Northern Ireland, the land whose history is so rich that the people there paint history lessons on the ends of their houses for tourists to look at.

Such as 'the Apprentice Boys massacring Catholics in 1590' in Londonderry, and 'You don't have to be a psychopath to join the Provisional IRA, but it helps!' in West Belfast. And of course there's Fermanagh and Tyrone, where you can go hunting and shooting - hunting down informants, and shooting SAS commandos.

Northern Ireland, makes Sicily seem peaceful and tolerant, and makes Los Angeles seem like a school playground. So fly Ironyair to Belfast today, and meet the Provisional IRA!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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