For the first time since the great depression, Britain is in deflation - a period of falling prices. Inflation rose by 0.2% to reach 3.2%, sending economic experts and commentators into panic about plummeting prices.
'Falling prices are terrible,' a Bank of England spokesperson said, 'a disaster. That's why we must do everything to fight these falls in prices, clearly evidenced by the 3.2% inflation figure.'
But for Mrs Kitchener, a pensioner in Ashton, the falls were welcome. 'I'm a pensioner,' she said and the price of things just keeps going up and up, so if they fall then that would be wonderful. I can't say I've seen them falling round here though. They still seem to be rising to me.'
'Well that's just stupid,' says Head Economic Expert Tom Guessing at GloabalEconomicOpinions.web, 'Obviously inflation is experienced differently by individual people, and perhaps if you're a poor person without oil futures and three £5 million mansions, you don't have much to lose, so are blind to the very real pain caused by deflation. It's absolutely clear however, that with prices rising at 3.2%, we're seeing an obvious and worrying deflationary trend. I have personally seen my wealth decline by millions over the past year. Clearly, when an economic genius is losing so much, something is very wrong in the economy.'
GlobalEconomicOpinions forecasts that deflation will continue into 2012. 'We may have been wrong on every other forecast we've made in the past ten years,' added Mr Guessing, 'however this one is absolutely correct. It cannot possibly be wrong.'