It has emerged from a unspecified source that Jade Goody was, in fact, the world's first Hippopotamus human combination. She escaped from Dr Instienatormis lab in California, 27 years ago.
According to Instienatormis, she was the oldest surviving example of a Hippopotamus-human since the stone age. The researchers were hoping to breed her with another Hippopotamus called Shilpa McShetty but the disguised bredding program failed due to her being a "dumb TWAT". Apparently, she forgot that she was there to mate with Shilpa and instead tried to start a war with the Indonesian breeding program, which immediately began to withdraw her from the breeding program.
"Unfortunately this meant we had to put her in with a pig," Instienatormis explained. "This pig was a rare hair eating hyper active from the island of Essex. His name was Jackonary Tweed. He was a violent and disrespectful pig, who indulged in mating with her. Unfortunately they wanted to get married and she wanted to be dressed as a "shuttle cock" for her big day. The only down side to matting to a pig is that you have about two weeks to live.
"From the evidence we found, we have concluded that Jade Goodie's death was her own fault and she should have kept her "GOD DAM MOUTH SHUT"."