Written by Skoob1999
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Monday, 23 March 2009

image for Saint Patrick's Day Almost Over - Grand Slam Didn't Help
It's An Ireland Win - And The Crowd Goes Wild!!!

A spokesman for the All Of Ireland Safety Commission this morning announced that the Saint Patrick's Day Celebrations are finally winding down.

Fergal McCartney told us from Dublin City:

"It's gradually starting to taper off. The celebrants are realising after a day or six that the drinking and carousing and marching in the streets has to come to an end at some point. And that there is work to be done, money to be earned, mortgages to pay and families to feed. The hangover is the toughest thing to deal with, because it's easier to have the hair of the dog, but most celebrants, many of whom are Polish and Lancastrians eventually realise that they can't go on getting spectacularly drunk for days on end without consequences."

Figures from The National Office Of Statistical Fibs reveal that Ireland winning the Rugby Grand Slam (without the benefit of helmets and body armour) has exacerbated the failure to return to normality, extending celebrations by up to a week.

Shares in The Craic PLC rocketed to an all time high in world markets, although it was a banker who passed on this information and who is therefore absolutely untrustworthy.

Sales of James Joyce's 'Ulysses' reached an all time high this week as pseudo intellectuals attempted to make an impact in Dublin.

The DART has been temporarily suspended because the drivers are still drunk, but making a good recovery.

More as we get it

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