Essex - (X-Files Mess): The MoD was swamped with reports of a UFO sighting over Jade Goody's house in Essex today amid reports that an extraterrestrial 'welcome home' advance party was planning to escort the ailing reality tv contestant back to her ancestral planet.
The craft briefly circled above the Goody residence before bathing the entire street in an irridescent verdant light reminiscent of Waco's Branch Davidian prophecies.
And somewhere in the cosmos the jade-green Comet Lulin continued blazing its stunning trail like a prescient 'as above, so below' omen.
Astronomers have noted that Lulin's oriental jade-green color comes from glowing cyanogen-rich gases that make up its Jupiter-sized atmosphere.
Reports that these gases are carcinogenic have been described as 'toxic crap'.