Written by Mrs Kensington
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Topics: BBC, Jonathan Ross

Saturday, 21 March 2009

image for Jonathan Ross to Move Into "Cawavan" After BBC Pay Cut
Ross "Bankwupt"

Sir Michael Lyons, chairman of the BBC Trust, has announced a new round of pay cuts that could see some of the corporation's top stars with "substantial" drops in salary - some as big as 25%.

The cuts, which also include a freeze on executive pay, follow 7200 job losses in the past four-and-a half-years, with another 1200 to come.

Around 40 BBC television and radio stars are reportedly earning more than £1m a year, including Jonathan Ross, believed to be on £6m a year, Graham Norton, thought to be on £2.5m a year, and Jeremy Paxman, on an estimated £1m a year.

It is Ross, however, who is set to pay the biggest price, with a drop to a pitiful £4.5 million. The star, who reportedly owns a marble bath, a solid 14 carat gold juicer and a wife with "incwedibly big bweasts", is said to be "howwified". "I'm pwactically wuined" he told reporters as he arrived at Heathrow on his private Gulfstream G550 jet, after a family minibreak in Dubai.

Friends of the extremely witty satirist, have expressed fears for his financial security, after the conceited fop told them that he and his family would now have to move into a caravan in the garden rather than a five star hotel, while essential building work took place at his "modest" 40 bedroom house in Eton Square, Westminster.

In a press conference today, Ross told reporters. "I fully understand the BBC's pwedicament duwing this cwedit cwunch. I had been pwepared to take a much smaller pay wise this year, but as a twemendously iwweplaceable pwesenter, attwibuted with the most hilawious impwovisation on television today, I expected better than this. I feel tweacherously betwayed."

Ross refused to comment about speculation that he was building a private BBC Television Centre at the back of his house so that he "wouldn't have to get out of bed for less than 5 million."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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