Written by Bob Muppet
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Monday, 4 March 2002

image for Smart Arse Northerner cracks Cockney Rhyming
Going up the fruit?

Alan Arkwright, a cheeky Northern smart arse, threw the East End of London into disarray, when he claimed to have cracked Cockney rhyming slang!

"Cor blimey guv!" was the shocked response of Arthur Fowler, a very old Cockney person.

"Even bleeding Hitler with his bleeding Enigma machine couldn't crack the rhyming slang"

"All the secret messages was sent in Cockney rhyming slang during the war and they was never cracked!"

"How could some thick Northern 'cloggie' possibly have worked out our code wot is so secret that it only gets passed on from father to son"

However, young Alan Arkwright was unaffected by the cries of disbelief.

"I am willing to take any test they can think of" the pretentious upstart protested!

"I'm not scared of all their frogs and toads or treacle tarts or even troubles and strife's!"

"I was once an 'extra' in Coronation Street," he added to give even more weight to his argument.

"Yes, but was you born within the sound of Bow bells?" the world weary Cockney threw in to save the day.

"That's what makes all the difference!"

"--and I'm going to knock seven bells out of you if you don't sod off back to 'Cloggiedom' where you belong," Arthur added for good measure.

(In a good humoured, non-racist Cockney manner)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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