Written by Earl Grey

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Topics: British Army

Thursday, 19 March 2009

image for British Army: Ill Equipped For Action
These soldiers might die because of government negligence. Or they might get shot by the enemy.

Soldiers in the British army are having their lives put at risk in order to save a few quid. In a report that will shame this government, experts say that unless large sums of money are spent on the armed forces we will witness scores of unnecessary deaths.

Major Savage, a former officer in the Queens Household China division said "It's all very well sending troops to these far away places, but if they don't have the tools they can't do the job. It's a bit like sending for a plumber and he arrives without a plunger. I sent for a plumber once. He turned up without a plunger. So I shot him."

Troops are often going unshaven behind enemy lines due to a shortage of gillette blue 2. This would not be deadly on its own. But when a beard jams up the firing mechanisms of a rifle the soldier's life is at risk.

We urge the government to get the gillette out to Afghanistan and Iraq. Now before it is too late.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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