Written by Mrs Kensington
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Thursday, 19 March 2009

image for Liam Gallagher To Bring Back Shell Suit
Gallagher "fucked"

One-time rock and roll hard man, Liam Gallagher, has launched his new clothing line 'Pretty Green' because he couldn't find the kind of clothes he likes in the high street.

"It's mental man" the mouthy Mancunian told reporters today. "Primark used to be well banging, I went there for all me white sports socks, polyblend knits and fur-lined parkas, but now it's all that designer shit," he explained. "I used to use the carriers for me fishing tackle an' all but now they're making them out of paper. What's that shit about?"

Gallagher, who used to look "well 'ard" but was recently mistaken for a pensioner in Asda and forced to get on a coach to Glossop, told reporters that he used to wear hoodies to hide his face, but now he was 'well proud' of his head. "I'm not into all this skinny shit though" he added. "I can't fit half me arse in it."

During the launch, Gallagher showed off a number of items from his range, which he named after best friend Peter Mandelson, including a pair of tan suede slip-ons and a green and purple shell suit with white flashes that he proudly described as "fucking flammable".

"As you get older you want to wear somethin' more classy don't yer? I'm not making any compromises, if it ain't 90% acrylic, it's fucked."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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