Written by jontee
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Wednesday, 18 March 2009

image for Devon Farmer in Freak Cucumber Accident

A Devon farmer is today recovering in hospital following a freak accident in his field yesterday,which resulted in a full helicopter rescue and airlift to hospital.

The farmer, believed to be in his 40's,has been a victim of the recent credit crunch, and as a result has had to put in some overtime in his cucumber field.

According to local sources, at around 8pm last night, the farmer began collecting the days cuttings of cucumbers and laying them in boxes ready to be collected for a local grocer in the dark, when, under circumstances currently being investigated, the farmer accidentally slipped on a rogue cucumber and sent himself flying off his feet.

In trying to steady himself from the topple, the farmer tried grabbing the box of cucumbers and in turn sent them flying upwards also.

The farmer somehow ended up landing bottom first;Straight onto the rake which he had earlier been using in the field, effectively sodomising himself into a painful position of which he was unable to move out of.

His wife, upon hearing his screams came to his aid, and found the poor farmer sat on the rake and covered in cucumbers, at which point she raised the alarm.

Moments later, an ambulance arrived and called for the air rescue helicopter to airlift the now rather embarrassed and shocked farmer to hospital.

The helicopter having arrived with a doctor on board then whisked the farmer off to hospital;However due to the precarious nature of the injuries sustained,the crew were unable to transport him in the helicopter and instead winched him to hospital dangling 10 feet below the helicopter with the instrument still firmly inside him.

Eye witnesses on the ground reported seeing a T shaped object hovering below the helicopter making funny noises, before realising that it was a human being with an instrument sticking out of him.

'We had no choice but to leave him hanging; It was an unusual accident; We don't get many farmers playing with their cucumbers and instruments in this way' said a hospital spokesman this morning.

The farmer, was rushed straight into hospital where he underwent 10 hours of surgery to remove the item from him.

His wife released a statement this morning thanking the doctors and hospital staff for al their hard work, and hinted that the farmer may need rehabilitation to walk properly again.

For now at least, this farmers field of cucumbers is laying dormant.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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