Written by Mrs Kensington
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Wednesday, 18 March 2009

image for Kerry Katona To Compete To Be Sir Alan's Apprentice
The Apprentice "set in London"

It has been announced that cash-strapped Kerry Katona will be among fifteen contestants competing for a six figure salary in Sir Alan Sugar's organisation, when the new series of 'The Apprentice' begins next week.

In a press conference launching the series, Sir Alan introduced the contestants, billed as "all ruthless self-promoters" for the first time, introducing the working class ex-Atomic Kitten star simply as "Kerry".

The bipolar good time girl was said to be 'settling in well' at the luxury Kensington apartment in which apprentices will live during the series, but a fellow housemate told reporters "One minutes she's a quiet, hard-working member of the team, the next she's slurring let's get ratarsed ya bumholes, flashing her tits and throwing beef curry and chips at the wall". he explained.

Reports that Katona has been reunited with her dodgy gold-digging husband were still unconfirmed this afternoon, but a source close to Sir Alan told reporters that there had been sightings of a bald man in leather gloves, hanging around outside the house, trying to break into the ferraris.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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