Written by Nick Morrish
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

image for New Study Reveals Global Common Sense Shortage
The study made extensive use of advanced randomisation techniques

A study commissioned by the mental health watchdog OFFNUT, has revealed a startling decline in common sense worldwide. Initially seen as a purely American phenomenon, Total Absence of Rational Thought (TART) has spread rapidly throughout Europe and the Middle East. The study puts the blame squarely on the shoulders of the internet, globalisation, global warning, the credit crunch, the War Against Terror and The Daily Mail.

The UK government has responded immediately, proposing a twenty-seven point public sector common sense conservation strategy and has called on other EU governments to follow suit. All government departments are expected to institute a program of "rationality rationing" by the end of the year. Staff will be expected to carry out their jobs using only a minimum amount of common sense. It is hoped that, in many cases, tasks can be completed without thinking at all.

To further reduce the "thought-burden" on senior staff, a multi-million pound computer system has been ordered. However, delivery may be delayed until IT managers can decide what it's supposed to do. As a precaution, the government has already instructed the public accounts committee to institute a far-reaching inquiry into the anticipated fiasco.

A further twenty-five measures will be rolled out on an ad-hoc basis, in response to prevailing newspaper headlines.

It is clear that decisive action is necessary before the common sense crisis spirals out of control. OFFNUT's preliminary report predicts a 43% reduction in rational thought by 2013. Unless something is done soon it is feared that by the 12th August 2019 the vast majority of the population will be so lacking in common sense that they will believe everything they read on the internet.

Make Nick Morrish's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 1?

2 25 4 1

Go to top