London - (Last Frights Mess): Despite weeks of frenetic PR cajoling to play his seminal 'Goody-bye England's Woes' tribute at Jade Goody's forthcoming reality tv funeral Elton John has mysteriously vanished.
The entertainer had been offered a £££s exclusive to serenade the reality tv contestant's cortege.
A top-of-the-range Bechstein had even been donated by Harabs department store along with a Buckingham Palace Throne Room piano stool (no pun intended) for the event.
The singer had been wooed to perform from a recycled Notting Hill Carnival float during the funerary procession down The Mall, Whorseguards and onwards to Westmonster Abbey.
Earl Spencer's personal eulogy appearance has now been cancelled after Shilpa Shetty stepped in (it) at the last moment.
The Vernal Equinox is this Friday.